C.O.G. vs. G.E.A.R.S.

PINKERTON: Good evening scientists & subjects, allow me to introduce myself for my name will soon be a household word! I am Doctor Milo T. Pinkerton III, founder and leader of the Consortium of Genius, best known as the COG!
OTHERS: COG!
PINKERTON: Yes, quite... Perhaps you are wondering how we at the Consortium came to be the ultimate power in the entire universe. Well, we will get to that shortly. But first, I would like you all to open your bibles for a prayer... TO ME!
BOW 2 ME
PINKERTON: With that out of the way, I would like to begin--
COMPUTER: <Interrupting Pinkerton> Dr. Pinkerton, you have an incoming transmission.
PINKERTON: Computer, pick up. COG-damnit, who would be calling at this hour?
<Video fades in from static to show three small trolls in a lab, with the one in the middle looking remarkably like Pinkerton.>
PAINCASTER: Ah! It worked! Pinkerton, is it?
PINKERTON: Yes it is. Wait one moment--
PENTATONICCI: Ey, how'd you know that?! Who are yas and where is ya callin' from?! <Pentatonicci aims his gun towards the screen.>
FILBERT: Ohhh, are you little elves? What other fantasy creatures are in your world???
PAINCASTER: Don't call us that. And put the gun down. I am Dr. Paincaster and where we are contacting you from is classified information! What's important is the moment I discovered I had a larger human counterpart in another dimension, I had to figure out a way to reach said counterpart as soon as possible!
PENTATONICCI: Larger? Not by much. Pinkahton's a small guy.
PINKERTON: <Frustrated> SILENCE! A counterpart you say?
PAINCASTER: Yes! You're Dimension M's Pinkerton, and I suppose I'm this dimension's Pinkerton.
FILBERT: Hey! That one kinda looks like me! We've got the same mole and everything! <Filbert points at the screen to a stitched-together dead-looking troll wearing a leather jacket and holding a black guitar.>
PENTATONICCI: Naww, he's holdin' a guitar that looks like mine! That robot's got yer bass.
FILBERT: I'm a ROBOT in ELF WORLD??? COOL!!!
PINKERTON: Why, parts of that thing look old enough to carry THE BLACK PLAGUE!
ALL: THE BLACK PLAGUE?!
THE BLACK PLAGUE
<By the end of the song, the creature is subdued and dragged offscreen.>
PINKERTON: Paincaster, the device you used to subjugate that creature-- What is it?
PAINCASTER: This? Ah, it's my Brain-beater! You see, this whisk here goes in the ear of the victi... errr, patient, and when you crank, it scrambles the brain into mere goo! The speaker next to the whisk plays loud, shocking sounds to cause disorientation and compliance during the process!
PINKERTON: Those features sound a lot like one of my greatest inventions, the SONIC MIND PRRROBE!
PAINCASTER: Yes, quite. Brilliant brains think alike. Do elucidate on this device's functions.
PINKERTON: (To the audience) Well, the Sonic Mind Probe can only be used on one subject at a time, so we're going to need a volunteer, such as... YOU! Yes, you... Get up here!
LO BO TO MY
PINKERTON: A wonderful invention indeed. Almost as evil as the devistatingly diabolical drink of MILK.
OTHERS: (Confused) MILK?!
PINKERTON: Yes, MILK! The most insidious villains of old have swilled milk! If you want to grow up EVIL, you have to drink your MILK! ATTEND!
M.I.L.K.
PINKERTON: ...So, who are these others you have with you?
PAINCASTER: Well, this is 808, and that thing I had to vanquish... doesn't have a name.
FILBERT: So is the robot me???
PAINCASTER: Mmmno, I believe I'm the only true COG counterpart here. Though I've met plenty of trolls with intellect similar to that of Filbert's...
FILBERT: Hey!!
PINKERTON: Oh! On the topic of robots, Pentatonicci has this product he's been working on...
<Pentatonicci pulls the cover off Android Woman.>
FILBERT: Wowie! Who is she?!
PENTATONICCI: She's my prototype Android Woman. She's freshly built, never been turned on yet, youknowwutI'msayin'... But she sucks, she blows, she does things ya didn't even know could be done to yer--
PINKERTON: <Interrupting Pentatonicci> I think we understand! Perhaps we can persuade the audience to invest in this perverse prrroduct with less.. crude language.
ANDROID WOMAN
<During the song, G.E.A.R.S. dresses up 808 in similar attire to the Android Woman.>
808: I feel objectifiiiiedd...
PAINCASTER: SILENCE! You are an object.
<808 walks offscreen, humiliated.>
PENTATONICCI: Ey Fil, maybe that robot IS you! He's a GIRL!!!
PINKERTON: ENOUGH of your monkeyshines! Paincaster, I presume you plan to take over the world... What does this mean for my.. I mean, COG's inevitable world domination?
PAINCASTER: No compromise necessary! You can take over your world and we can take over ours! After all, it wouldn't be wise for us to fight when we're presumably equally matched... One could say we HAVE THE POWER!
What, you think I HAVE THE POWER was going to be here? That song doesn't even exist yet! Pay attention!!!
PINKERTON: Hm. Yes, quite. Perhaps we could even work together! Tell us more about your dimension.
PAINCASTER: Well, a lot of individuals here are pretty unintelligent. The flora and fauna are very diverse. Speaking of fauna, that reminds me of this horrible beast I encountered mere days ago... I was attacked by a small, bloodthirsty lagomorph, as it were, more known commonly as a...
BOTH: RABBID!
RABBID
PINKERTON: Rabbids plague that dimension as well?! Why, that brings back horrific memories... Nevertheless, we should cease this dillydallying brought on by our colleagues and figure out a way to make use of this new business partnership. I'm yet to figure out dimensional travel, in fact, just recently I lost a valuable coworker to Dimension C... but, you know, it was for science and all. Though as you can see, interdimensional communication is possible through Computer. I know the Pinkyon particle is involved in travel, but that's about as far as I've gotten! And you?
PAINCASTER: That is still valuable information! I haven't heard of this Pinkyon particle before now, so we're making progress already. If any developments arise, do contact me! GEARS and COGs... Bound to work well together.
FILBERT: WOO! Friendship n things!!! Y'know what this calls for?!
PENTATONICCI: Let's get FUCKED!
SCIENCE PARTY